No More Mr. Nice Guy

I first read this book in 2014. At the time, I took away several recommendations and insights that benefited me tremendously. Recently, however, a few clients mentioned the book again, which prompted me to search for it. My copy was still in my library in Massachusetts, so I ordered a second one to keep here in Florida.

I strongly recommend this book to men in long-term relationships as a source of empowerment. Today’s mainstream messaging—through media, schools, and culture—is often confusing, gynocentric, and ultimately creates more cognitive dissonance for adolescents and young men rather than clarity. Many men who grew up over the past four decades carry shame, guilt, and fear tied to a “patriarchy” they never participated in and do not identify with.

Setting aside today’s politics that discourage men from prioritizing themselves, it’s worth noting that the loudest voices criticizing men often speak from their own trauma, unresolved issues, or personal interests—not yours. Most men I work with genuinely love women. They want to love one woman, build a family, support their partner, and show up as caring fathers and providers.

If you want to be in a healthy, loving relationship, you must invest in yourself. Without that foundation, men begin to second-guess themselves, suppress their opinions, and hide their emotions. Relationships then start to falter, your voice becomes diminished, and natural life pressures amplify the problem.

For example, after having children, some men quietly count the years until their kids are grown before feeling “allowed” to speak up for themselves. In marriage, others fear the financial and emotional losses tied to divorce, learning that having a voice feels like a threat to time with their children or financial stability. As a result, men overthink, minimize their emotions, and silence their perspectives—often out of fear of conflict, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, or cycles of non-reciprocal emotional aggression.

For a relationship to have true equilibrium, you must be able to love your partner without abandoning yourself. Many men I work with unintentionally sabotage their lives by taking care of everyone else while neglecting their own needs, values, and identity.

The dominant cultural message today often portrays men as selfish, abusive, or narcissistic. This stems from decades long gynocentric messaging and misandry becoming acceptable, and being equated to a patriarchy that does not exist.

I would challenge you to pause and ask:
Why is this being said?
Is it repetition of a narrative?
Is it someone else’s unresolved experience being generalized?

Clarity begins when men are allowed—and encouraged—to value themselves alongside the people they love.

Here’s a Break Down of the book:

Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy is not about becoming aggressive, selfish, or unkind. It’s about helping men stop living a life of quiet resentment, hidden needs, and approval-seeking—and start living with honesty, self-respect, and emotional strength.

Many men who pick up this book don’t see themselves as “nice guys” in the traditional sense. They may be hardworking, reliable, caring partners or fathers. On the outside, they’re doing everything “right.” On the inside, however, they often feel frustrated, disconnected, sexually dissatisfied, or chronically unappreciated.

Dr. Glover calls this pattern Nice Guy Syndrome.

What Is a “Nice Guy” (According to the Book)?

A “Nice Guy” isn’t genuinely kind—he’s strategically nice.

His niceness is often driven by an unspoken belief:

“If I do everything right and make everyone happy, I’ll finally be loved, validated, and get my needs met.”

As a result, many Nice Guys:

• Avoid conflict at all costs

• Hide their true thoughts, wants, and anger

• Over-give while under-asking

• Seek approval from partners, bosses, friends, or society

• Feel resentful when their efforts aren’t noticed or rewarded

Over time, this creates emotional disconnection, passive-aggressive behavior, sexual issues, burnout, and shame.

Where Does This Pattern Come From?

Dr. Glover traces Nice Guy Syndrome back to early experiences where boys learned that:

• Their needs were inconvenient or unsafe to express

• Approval was conditional

• Masculinity or emotional expression was discouraged

To survive, many men learned to disconnect from themselves and orient their lives around pleasing others.

The Core Message of the Book

The central theme of No More Mr. Nice Guy is integration.

Men don’t need to get rid of their kindness—they need to reconnect with:

• Their needs

• Their boundaries

• Their anger

• Their sexuality

• Their authentic masculinity

True confidence doesn’t come from being liked. It comes from being honest and self-directed.

Key Takeaways for Men

Some of the most impactful ideas in the book include:

• Hidden contracts don’t work
  Doing things for others with the expectation of unspoken rewards leads to resentment and disappointment.

• Suppressed anger always leaks out
  If it’s not expressed directly, it shows up through withdrawal, sarcasm, sexual dysfunction, or emotional distance.

• Nice Guys abandon themselves
  Healing begins when men learn to prioritize their own emotional and physical needs without guilt.

• Masculinity isn’t toxic—it’s incomplete when suppressed
  Strength, assertiveness, desire, and leadership are healthy when integrated, not denied.

Why This Book Resonates With So Many Men

Men often read this book and say:

“This explains my relationships.”

“This explains my porn use.”

“This explains why I feel invisible and angry at the same time.”

The book gives language to experiences many men have never been taught to articulate.

A Word of Caution

Some readers initially misinterpret the message as permission to become selfish or domineering. That’s not the goal. The work is about responsibility, not entitlement—owning your needs, emotions, and choices instead of outsourcing them to others.

Final Thoughts

No More Mr. Nice Guy is a wake-up call for men who are tired of living half-honest lives. It challenges men to stop seeking external validation and start building internal integrity.

When men stop performing for approval and start living authentically, relationships improve—not because they’re trying harder, but because they’re finally showing up as themselves.

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I often have Men’s Groups that are book specific or topic specific, feel free to subscribe to my emails to get updates.

Last Fall 2025 I held two groups one on:

“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman

and

“The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship” by Nate/Kaley Klemp